Today marks 1 week since I left for Montevideo. Honestly the last few days have been pretty slow. The adjustment period has been hard, so I haven’t been doing that much. I’ve been going on walks and exploring my neighborhood though! It’s a really pretty place. Well, maybe not to folx who are accustomed to suburban living. There’s graffiti everywhere, and a really interesting culture surrounding it. The city blocks are packed with both houses and businesses, with small alleys and passageways. It’s summer break here right now, so I pass the local public school every day but there are no students. I’ve been trying to speak as much as I can in Spanish, but often it leads to a little bit of confusion on both ends.
Yesterday I bought a fan from a local hardware store, and even though the store owners did not speak English, I was able to conjure up enough Spanish to get what I needed. Fortunately, the store owners were very nice and spoke slowly for me! There are a lot of locals in my neighborhood that I am starting to recognize on my walks. Maybe one day I’ll have the courage to talk to them.
The homesickness has been hitting hard the last few days, especially with the recent political situation. It hurts that I can’t be there for my friends right now. Before I felt like I was in the backseat of a speeding car, now I feel like I’m on the outside watching as the car is about to crash with all of my friends inside. I honestly can’t think of anything else to do right now except for write and make music.
I’ve had so many song ideas the last few days, I just haven’t had the motivation to work on them. Every time I sit down with my computer, I get frustrated because the music I make does not sound as good as I want it too. I recorded some vocals the other day but I haven’t even touched them after recording because I’m scared of listening to my own voice. I feel so alone in my music production. I’d love to work with someone to learn how to be a better producer but I don’t know who to go to.
I’ve just been feeling really alone lately in general. Astrid has been sick (probably my fault,) so we haven’t been spending time together lately. We went to a local furry meetup on Sunday, and I got to meet some people there, but once again the language barrier made it hard to connect with anyone. I’m trying to be patient with myself but I have a tendency to get frustrated when my brain struggles to learn new things. I guess there’s nothing I can do at this point but learn to overcome that frustration and take it slow and easy.
I’m worried about money at this point. I know I’ll need to get a job soon but job searching on top of everything else right now seems like a Sisyphean task. I think that’s another area where I’ll just need to be patient and hope things work out in my favor. I definitely have enough money for the month, maybe 2, but I want to find a good paying job so I can afford a better place. I’ll write about my AirBNB in a separate entry, it’s a doozy.
Wishing you all well in these dark times,
-Pico Pastelle
